Ariean x Taliesin

Ariean who had been draped around his brother almost possessively, stirred slightly with the coming of early morning, used to waking up this early due to it being around the time Tal got up, and the Nightray was always following his brother around. Many joked that he was like a lost puppy who needed it's master in order to survive, and it would almost seem like that to other people, but Ari was able to part from Tal, he just never wanted to. He had almost fallen back asleep on his sibling's chest, his preferred place to sleep, when he began to feel as if something wasn't quite right. He shifted a bit and bent to kiss Tal deeply before pulling himself slowly out of the bed and into the bathroom, yawning softly and turning on the shower. Humming out of habit as he started undoing his hair and beginning the tedious task of washing through it. He stretched out after a moment or so and rested his head against the shower wall with a soft sigh. He had been so glad when he had managed to talk Tal into coming and living with him in their very own place.

It had taken less coaxing than it normally would with anything else at the promise of the mountains. Ari loved it here and the place had everything Tal might have needed to train to his heart's content, plus not to mention there were always plenty of the other luxuries that his brother seemed to fancy. He moved slightly to grab the soap and shuddered a bit. A slight chill coming over him, but he ignored it and continued to hum as he washed himself, thinking about things absently. As he was prone to do.

Tal slept longer than usual this morning, full of dreams that were just barely being contained by the light that was his brother. He rarely had -really- bad dreams with him, just shadowy dark things without definition, an echo of reality where his brother kept the substantial darkness that was within him tamed and just hints leaking through. He barely stirred when Ari did, quite used to his affectionate comings and goings at this point. He would not do so even with his longest old lovers, but he trusted Ari. As much as he could trust anyway.

Once Ari was gone he turned on his side and made a dark grumble, the darkness suddenly taking on definition, suddenly enough that it snapped Tal out of what would have been one of the rare times he slept in. He golden eyes took in the room with a certain sharpness, noting everything at once, including what Ari must be up to. He sat up and frowned darkly, passing a hand over his eyes before getting up and pulling on some clothes before going out to the window and staring out at the scenery he'd come to appreciate. He hadn't minded moving away from everything too much, though this place was more somewhere he would vacation than make a life in. A hermit existence was more Ari's thing. Of course, he could hardly recognize himself sometimes. All the dark that had been there was still there, but it had been steadily taken apart and buried. He still couldn't make heads or tails of anything he did lately, as he tried to take the changed being his brother tried to make and find himself in it. Easier said than done. He closed his eyes and ran a hand absently through his hair with a sigh, unaware that he was staring out at the mountains as if he wanted to kill them.

Ari stepped out of the shower and began the tedious task of drying himself off, and finally slipped into clean clothes for the day, finally recognizing the shudder from earlier had been a warning to himself. He poked his head out the door to see Tal glaring out the window, a soft smile parting his lips, walking over and pecking his cheek. "Morning grumpy." he teased fondly, settling down on the other side of him, watching his expression carefully before sliding over and wrapping his arms around his waist, nuzzling his head into Tal's chest. He purposely left his hair down for awhile every day, since his brother enjoyed playing with it, and it could act as much of a stress reliever as few other things could. He stared out the window but his gaze wasn't on the mountains, he was looking down below to see that some deer were darting across the lawn and into the safety of the forest, that smile fading. Fleeting as the deer were, Ari sometimes felt that was exactly how his life had become sometimes, a fleeting race.

He shook himself from that train of thought and instead focused on his sibling whom needed him more. He pouted a bit when he realized that the other was pretty spaced off in his own world, a very dark and lost one. He frowned a bit before throwing his arms around his brothers neck and covering him in kisses. "Tally~" he whined in his usual tone that got the other to stop brooding. "Pay attention~" Usually he didn't whine, but it was quite an effective way to drag his brother back from the black nightmare that was his mind. When Tal finally looked at him, he gave a smile, kissing his forehead. "That's better~ Would you like some breakfast?"

Tal absently glanced at his brother as he finally emerged from the bathroom, hmping a bit at the teasing but otherwise not changing his position and mood, though with his brother being all cuddly and loving it was probably something only someone of his darkness could manage, and then only barely. Particularly with his hair down. It was a testament to how often this happened that he was able to continuing spacing out even while getting smothered in kisses. At the whine though, that part of him that had always given him so much damn trouble surged out and refused to let him brood in peace. He ignored it for as long as he could before sighing grumpily and looking at his brother with a frown, feeling briefly like a child. Ari spoiled him too much, and that whole forehead kissing thing...that was the sort of thing Gil would do. To Ari anyway. He shrugged a bit indifferently but his stomach growled it's answer and he gave it a dirty look before shoving him semi playfully towards the kitchen. "Well your going to make me eat anyway so go get cooking."

Ari pouted a bit when he shoved him, grabbing his arm, and giving a little tug. "Come with me~" he knew the other didn't like doing that sort of thing but Ariean didn't like leaving him in the room alone, it allowed the dark monster inside him a chance to pick away at him. "Come on, pretty please?~" he latched onto his brother and purred nuzzling a bit. He was a bit silly and needy but it was nothing Tal wasn't used to at this point, although Ari was always coming up with new ideas as to either annoy or surprise him, and all things faced. It really wasn't a big surprise that the blond man was all over his darker haired brother. He nuzzled his shoulder and finally got back up, surprising himself when he managed to drag Tal up instead, dragging him out of the room with him.

The kitchen was fairly new, he'd found a lovely design for it, and they had plenty of rations that were delivered, but the main reason Ari had brought Tal way out in the middle of nowhere like this, was to help him further. He needed to work on building him back up before they could interact with others. Plus not to mention now that he'd managed to curb that lust that was buried in Tal, he seemed less grumpy than he had been. This was just more Tal grumpy now. He pulled out the pots and pans, before settling on what he was going to make for them both laughing softly at how his hands were so sure of themselves, and yet he was called butterfingers a lot by various other people.

Tal huffed lightly, knowing when he'd shoved him that he wasn't going to just go. This little play was much like everything had been since Ari had finally managed to corner him. He tried to push him away and the moron just hung on and tried to drag him into the light. Or in this case into the kitchen. He sighed lightly, not too bad now that his dark brooding had been interrupted. He would have given in eventually, but before that happened he found himself being dragged along and gave his brother a bit of a scowl. That was another thing he had a hard time adjusting to. The idea that not just was his brother healthy but just as strong as he was in some ways. Having ran away before Ari had been healed, he hadn't seen the gradual changes so to suddenly have the finished product thrust on him was a shock to his system ever time he became aware of it.

He crossed his arms and settled in a corner that was out of the way once he was released, his grumpy expression back in full force, along with his brooding though it was hard to really settle into it with his brother in the room. Also he knew Ari wouldn't let it really get started even if he did make a serious attempt at it. And since he couldn't get rid of him his resistance just got slowly ground into dust, along with everything else.

Ariean hummed lightly to himself before he set the pancakes in front his brother, planting a kiss to his cheek, wrapping his arms around his neck and nuzzling his cheek against the others. "I love you~" He said it all the time, never really expected it in return, sometimes it was depressing, but he wouldn't change Tal for the world. He hummed and took a seat across the table from his brother, his fork poking at his own pancakes. For a moment he said nothing, though it was only short lived as he lifted his head a few moments later. "Tal, do you really hate it here?

Tal briefly relaxed against his brother, in one of his odd cuddly moments, though they usually occurred only when he was feeling a particular emotion that was somewhat rare. Happiness was something he refused to acknowledge, guilt, anger, sadness, and lust were his old friends. This one though...this one he didn't appreciate. Melancholy was his enemy this little in between thing that make him act oddly, not to mention the occurrence of those twinges quadrupled in this mood. Like now, accompanied by those words that still sent him into fits of rage sometimes. He shook it off and picked up his own fork, efficiently starting to cut the things to pieces, pausing and looking up at the question to give Ariean a blank look. "I don't hate it." He set his fork down and settled back against the chair. "It's a wonderful vacation spot." There were some things that he enjoyed here, as much as Tal ever enjoyed anything. However, the only way Tal was really 'happy' was to be alone and utterly miserable. And so long as Ariean persisted in this idiotic 'I'm not going to leave you for anything' ideal, that wasn't going to happen.

"Why can't you just open back up?" he asked aloud, finally voicing what had been weaving through his mind off and on for the past month and a half. "I'm trying so hard, I just want my brother back, and now that I have him, I feel like I can't help you, and it makes me sad Tal. I wish you could at least drop this darkness that eats you alive, I wish I could see you smile again." He didn't even realize a tear had slid down his face. He didn't cry often, but whenever he did, it was usually over something he couldn't do for his brother. He always talked about Tal to other people, always received encouragement, but the truth of the matter was. He really was just looking for approval from Tal, and never got it. Not really...

The semi pleasant expression that Tal had put on dropped, though of course those defenses never did. Though, how much good they did him was questionable. He felt another, stronger, twinge hit him. One he recognized this time. The two voices inside of him suddenly became clear. One, the darkness that was always on the verge of swallowing him saying 'go for the throat! Shove him at his moment of weakness and he'll finally go away!'. And the other, that always managed to just keep him out of it, his mental embodiment of Ari almost putting a hand on his shoulder and holding him back from doing so. And then there was just him...a lovely mix of guilt and self hate. Just where he loved to be. "Are we supposed to just magically go back to how we were at 5? Just, turn back the clock with a snap of the fingers?" He smiled bitterly and looked away. "I can't wipe the slate clean, Ariean, it doesn't work like that..." The bitterness started to show more. "You just keep trying...you should just give up on someone like me. Don't waste yourself on such a hopeless case."

For a fraction of a second Ari felt too tired to respond, he had endless light for Tal's darkness, but even the light got tired sometimes. He rested his head in his hands. "Just shove me away, like you do everyone else! Just shove me away without ever realizing maybe just maybe, the reason I stay near you, is because I -need- you." He hugged himself and looked at him teary eyed, "I don't want us to go back to normal, I just want you to stop letting yourself be destroyed every single day, by this darkness. It's ...." he bowed his head and sighed, his vision blurred. "I hate it, I love you, but I hate it. I want it to stop."

Tal didn't bat an eyelid, outwardly. Inwardly...he was as messy as ever. The darkness...it was not nice, it was not pleasant...but it gave him some sort of order, some reason, it calmed the chaos. It had been how he'd been living for the larger part of his life, it was how he -functioned-. He honestly did not have the first idea how to be...anything like that. He'd spent all this time trying to convince him that Tal was the last thing he should want, let alone need. And clearly...he'd failed miserably. This whole endeavor on both their sides was a miserable mess. For once, he did an echo of their mother and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, letting the inner war rage itself out. "How...am i supposed to do that?..." He finally muttered quietly...almost brokenly. "Since that day...I have been growing into this more and more...for 20 years I have been the darkness. It lived in me, I lived in it, and I followed it well." His hand tightened on the fork, clenching so tightly he almost cut himself. "Do you get it? I have so little of anything else left if I let go of that I am nothing! I am a void, an empty shell, I'm not Tal, I'm not -me- anymore. I don't know how to be anything else!" He was almost shouting, there towards the end, shaking a bit and savoring the pain he was inflicting upon his hand, a welcome distraction from the trouble before him and in him.

Ari just stared back at his brother sadly when he raised his voice, before he realized it, he was on his feet, leveling him with a gaze that would have scared their own father. "You idiot! Why do you think I'm here?! Just to suffer!?" He stomped over to him and grabbed the front of his shirt, for a second it looked like he was going to yell, which was probably what the other would have preferred, instead he locked their lips in a kiss, feeling the other needed more at the moment. Slowly pulling away and giving him another sad look, "I can't help you be anything else, if you don't let me Tal. And so far, you've tried your damndest to push me away, stop being afraid of change, and let me help you, please." He sunk to his knees and rested his head on his brother's lap. "You're dark, that's true, but darkness isn't evil or disgusting, but ...it shouldn't consume you either. Not like this..."

Needless to say, Tal was quite taken aback by the sudden change in his brother, the sort of gaze he didn't think he could have summoned, still having that sick child mental image of him. He was even more surprised at being called an idiot, though it was a speck compared to that when Ari grabbed him, though there was admittedly a hopeful bit of triumph in the back of his mind, which joined the surprise as their lips pressed together. For a moment, he relaxed almost involuntarily. He felt a bit numb, listening to Ari. A sort of numb...hopelessness...helplessness...emotions he hated. He let go of the fork, staring blankly at the vicious looking mark that he couldn't believe wasn't bleeding. Absently, that hand moved to rest on his brothers hair, absently stroking it. When all else failed...that hair could bring him down, bring him back from wherever he went inside of himself. It stung...being called afraid. Even more so because...he knew he was. More than anything else, it was fear that was eating him. That was what his self hate fed upon. His hand went to clench again, but that eternal hand on his shoulder held him back once again and he dropped his head nearly on Ari's for a second...feeling a wall breaking and...tears, of all things, starting to threaten. He jerked his head back up and shook it, firmly putting that wall back in place...he refused to cry. He was already weak and pathetic enough that...that would just be the icing on the cake. "It's...not that easy..."

"Stop it Tal!" Ari didn't even wait, he grabbed the other and actually pulled him down on the floor with him, giving him a hard look, "You're going to stop it, right now! I'm so sick of you saying you can't! I god damn know it's not easy! Do you think I'm that stupid!? That I couldn't figure it out!?" He was so sick of the other just shoving himself away too, that was going to stop, or he was going to see a side of his brother more than he ever thought he could. "That's not the Tal I know! The Tal I know, was not a quitter! The Tal I know in spite of being afraid, would ....at least help me." He mumbled out the last four words, before that sorrow seeped into his heart again. "The Tal I know...is still there, in spite of what your stupid darkness says."

Tal let out a grunt of surprise as he was pulled down, putting out a arm to catch himself but otherwise not resisting. He rarely did so physically. He was also, still in something of a shock. It was just so...overwhelming. Probably a good thing for Ari, keeping him in a sort of dazed shock make him easier to deal with, sadly enough. He remained silent for several moments, taking a few deep breaths, almost sounding like he was panting. That damnable scene...just kept playing itself over and over in his head. Finally, he snapped and jerked himself away from Ari, literally panting now from his own inner conflict. And then...he just took a deep breath and relaxed. Sort of. There was a decidedly haunted look in his eyes now. "I..." And here he mumbled a word that could have been many words, and probably was. "always...for you..." It sounded like a positive statement. It was probably a very confused one too.

Ari gave his brother a bit of a worried look when he pulled away, but stayed put, listening instead to what he was saying. His eyes softened after a few moments and he stood, walking over and kneeling beside him, holding out his hand to the one person that was his world. The one being he felt he couldn't live without, Tal had no idea just how much he was needed, Ari had never wanted to do anything else than just stay by Tal and give him everything he could possibly want and more. It was hard to do, he knew, but not impossible. "Come back to me Tal." He kept his hand outstretched. "I know it's hard, you don't want to feel chained, but I never meant to chain you. Just love you."

Tal almost flinched as Ari came over, for a moment terribly vulnerable and almost expecting another surprise act of violence. After a few moments though, that haunted look shifted into something else, like a lost 5 year old staring out of old dirty windows, who'd felt the inescapable chains of fate tie tight around him that day. The chains...he'd stepped into and locked himself. He blinked a few times to quickly, suggesting that once again certain things were getting entirely too close to breaking. He looked at Ari, and he didn't see his brother so much as...hope. The possibility that he could be more than he was now. That lost little 5 year old, perhaps the face of that hand that had always been holding him back, hesitantly reached out for that hand, expecting it to be retracted or to lash out at any moment, shaking like a leaf a the moment skin finally touched skin. His head was dropped low, as if he was afraid to look now. Or more likely afraid to be seen so vulnerable like this.